its 2009. so what

its two thousand nine. has been for like eight days now.
and since the beginning of this year.

im convinced the world is falling apart.

actually, that doesnt really take that much convincing.
its pretty much obvious. i hate to sound negative. okay, not really, but seriously.
wtf is going on here?

in what world does a unarmed young man get shot in his back while laying face down on the ground by a police officer at a BART station within the first few hours of the new year?

oh yeah, in this world.

i am appalled by the loss of oscar grant. the way he was taken. the aftermath. i am disgusted.

i am literally sickened by the reaction of the commonwealth of people, on both sides of the equation. the supporters of grant, who proceeded to march into oakland and start rioting (nothing like fighting violence with more violence)

but im even more appalled by the reactions of those against oscar. the ones who say, oh he has a criminal past. he deserved it. he was out on new years and shouldve been at home with his family.

seriously, you are all idiots.

to say that what happened is somehow justifiable for those reasons.

well fuck me, lets just let cops gun down everyone with a criminal past.
it would definitely lessen the crowding here in this overpopulated world.

but when they take out your best friend, or your boyfriend, who you didnt know had a criminal record.

maybe you will change your stupid ass fucking opinion.



what that all has to do with the world falling apart?

i have no idea. absolutely nothing or positively everything.

it doesnt matter.

the reality of things.

it seems like not long ago i decided to not be nothing like everybody else.

the decision spurred numerous other decisions, none of which have gotten me any further away from being nothing. one goal leads to another leads to another, and so forth.

all i want is success and comfort with where i am in life and every time i get close my bearings get set off course by some ridiculous factor.

take my employment over the last six months.
i had a good job. they were crazy. i quit.
i got my old job back. they were crazy. i quit.
i have this new job. im happy. but the fact that i hold a degree from a renowned university and have a minimum wage paying job, i must admit, rocks me to the core. okay. so actually that means im not really happy there.

actually to be even more realistic, it means i hate it.

i hate having to plaster on a fake smile everyday.
i hate having a schedule that changes every week on a whim.
i hate the laziness of the people i work with.
actually i just plain hate my job.

what the fuck did i just waste all that time and money attending the public ivy league of the west coast for?

for the same thing i couldve had all along:

a minimum wage crap job.

i am convinced that this world sets us up for failure.
so the question is,
how do we overcome the gravitational pulls of the world?

hopefully this will remain revolving around that topic.
no promises. i cant get my head straight. i have add.
so the topic will fall off course just as i have.